


I'm Sorry

by thatdamnwrath



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: Angst, Childhood Trauma, Fix-It, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Makeup, Rolivia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-28
Updated: 2019-02-28
Packaged: 2019-11-06 16:01:31
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,136
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17942810
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thatdamnwrath/pseuds/thatdamnwrath
Summary: Post Part 33After returning home after the long and exhausting trial, Liv gets a surprise visit from Amanda.





	I'm Sorry

**Author's Note:**

> I haven't written anything in 4 years and before that it was 3 years so this isn't anything exciting but I think we really needed a short and sweet makeup fic for this episode since the writers moved right on from that angst per usual. Hope you like it!

 

It was pushing midnight as she lazily entered her dim apartment.

  
She heaved a deep sigh and let her shoulders droop feeling a huge weight lift off of her.

  
"Hey, Liv."

  
Her head snapped towards the couch where Lucy sat comfortably watching the silent TV.

  
"Hey," Liv replied, "thank you so much for staying... it was a tough one."

  
The young woman smiled to her and stood up from her seat, "no worries. He should be sleeping by now."

  
"He tried to stay up for you, but the little guy had a long day," she chuckled softly.

  
Liv hummed to herself, "I hear that."

  
Lucy grabbed her coat, "well, I gotta head home. See you in the morning?"

  
"Of course."

  
Liv thanked her nanny and then was left alone.  
After her testimony for the Annabeth Pearl trial, she couldn't bear another minute of that courthouse and decided to head right home. She didn't even stop to say goodnight to her co-workers.

  
She just wanted to see Noah.

  
Before she could head to his bedroom, there was a soft knock at her door.

  
Assuming Lucy had just forgotten something of hers, Liv walked over to the door and opened it up but instead of the young woman, she opened the door to reveal the familiar blonde.  
"Amanda?"

  
She stood in front of Liv with her hands shoved into her pockets and a pressed smile on her face, "is it alright if I come in for a moment?"

  
Liv hesitated for a second, but then opened up the door and let Amanda in.

  
The blonde paced in the middle of the living room before taking a seat on the couch, "before you ask, my sitter is still with the girls."

  
Liv opened her mouth to speak but then snapped it shut. She's not quite sure what Amanda wants but decided to leave it alone.

  
"You doing okay?" she asked as Liv took a seat in the chair across from her, "I looked for you."

  
She leaned back in the chair and crossed her legs, "Yeah, I'm fine."

  
_Her signature response._

  
Amanda nodded and then inhaled deeply.  
"So, I'll just come out and say it," she clasped her hands together, "I'm sorry."

  
Liv was caught off guard. She didn't really know what to say.

  
There was a lot said between the two women during the trial and needless to say, it was not pretty. While Liv could understand Amanda's side, she also didn't appreciate her attitude towards the case considering she has heen working at SVU for almost 8 years.

  
After the long silence, Amanda spoke up again.  
"I just... I keep going over everything in my head and I just..." she scrunched her nose and rubbed the back of her neck as if she was deep in thought, "I said a lot of ugly stuff."

  
Liv lowered her gaze and twiddled her thumbs.

  
"I'm also sorry about..." Amanda cleared her throat, "I didn't mean to reopen any wounds."

  
Liv lifted her head and gave her a small smile, "don't worry about it."

  
"No, I..." she trailed off.

  
Then she stood up and walked over to Liv and crouched down in front of her.

  
"You said I didn't know what real terror felt like-"

  
"Okay, maybe I shouldn't of said that," Liv interrupted, but Amanda shook her head.

  
"I could never imagine going through what you've gone through. I was so wrapped up in my own damn issues, I guess I let it cloud my judgement. Lashing out on you and Carisi like I did wasn't right and I just... I feel bad."

  
Liv only watched and listened, letting the blonde speak.

  
"You were right, too," she lowered her gaze and spoke softly, "holding onto all this hate and frustration all these years hasn't gotten me anywhere. I thought working at SVU would help me understand more... but that ugly feeling still lurks y'know?"

  
"What I'm trying to say is... I do need to forgive my mother."

  
Liv was taken aback. Amanda had resented her mother for a long time due to her father's neglect. She witnessed this abuse as a child and, as Liv said before, it definitely colored her whole universe.

  
She sat silently for a moment before speaking again, "Funny thing is, I'd see this bastard beat the hell out of my mom, leaving her bloody and bruised... but then he comes home with flowers for her, tucks me in at night, says he loves me..." she took a long pause, then inhaled sharply, "and then I'd just see my Daddy."

  
She looked up to Liv, tears starting to form in her eyes.

  
Liv sighed and placed her hand on Amanda's shoulder, "It's okay."

  
"No, it isn't. God, I feel _so stupid_ ," The blonde began to cry softly.

  
"No, no," Liv slipped down to Amanda's side and pulled her in for a hug, letting her sob quietly into her shoulder, "listen, everything's gonna be okay."

  
"I just..." she sniffled, "I'm just really sorry."

  
She pulled back and wiped her eyes.

  
"Come on," Liv stood up and helped Amanda up to her feet as well.

  
She gently rubbed her back, "how about I get you some tea?"

  
Amanda smirked and nodded.

  
Liv gave her a small squeeze on the shoulder and walked over to the kitchen.

  
She filled the kettle with water and put it on the stove.

  
Amanda sat on the stool and leaned on her elbows, "I'm glad this is all over. This whole case just forced me to think of things I'd rather forget... y'know my parents and uh..." she stared off with a somber look on her face, "Patton."

  
Liv dropped her gaze, remembering the young woman's assault. Amanda had kept it buried for years until she had been forced to face the man after he had assaulted another young detective. She had tried to help but knowing Amanda, she's a tough one to crack. She's grateful now that she's began to slowly open up as they've began to really build a strong friendship which is important being in such a harsh environment; two women needing to have each other's backs.

  
Liv leaned onto the counter and brought Amanda's gaze back to hers, "I just hope you can also learn to forgive yourself, and I mean really forgive yourself," she reassured her carefully.

  
Amanda stayed silent for a moment then nodded, "I have... But I wouldn't have done it without you're help."

  
The two women smiled at one anothee, then Liv reached over and squeezed Amanda's hand before turning back to the screeching kettle.

  
"Hey, Amanda," Liv spoke suddenly while pouring the hot water into a mug.

  
Amanda looked up to her with her eyebrows raised.

  
"I never said it earlier," she turned and locked eyes with the blonde, "I love you too."

 

~


End file.
